Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
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