you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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