I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
