you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
