I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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