You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
