I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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