she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
