As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
