her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Randomize
