saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Randomize
