i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Randomize
