I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
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