Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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