Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
