Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
