I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
