I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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