ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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