Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Randomize
