Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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