So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
