she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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