Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
