i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
