There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
