Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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