my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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