yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
