she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Randomize
