I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
