I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
