Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
