Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
