put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
