i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
