Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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