I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
