i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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