I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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