K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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