They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Randomize
