THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
He did a backflip because drugs
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