This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
