i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
