Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
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