We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Randomize
