I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Swine flu is the new snow day.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."�
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
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