I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I just gargled with NyQuil
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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