i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
