It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Are these your boobs on my camera?
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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